1. Schedule a check-in.
   No matter how basic it seems, you need to take the time to ask each other, “what can I do to support you this week?”. Maybe your partner requires verbal reassurance, support with a specific task, time to reconnect lightheartedly, or assistance with problem-solving. This gives couples the chance to be on the same team, feel heard and supported, and address the most pressing needs of their partner when the demands of life are pulling them in various directions.
   
2. Lead with vulnerability.
   When we’re stressed, we may often lead with an attack rather than vulnerability. It’s understandable – you’re feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated, insecure, and you don’t want to share your hurt feelings only to have them brushed aside. But unfortunately, when we start a conversation with an attack or a preemptive defense, we end up depriving ourselves of exactly the type of reassurance or support we need. “You never listen to me!” inspires instant defensiveness, while “I miss spending time with you, and feeling like listening to me and hearing me is your priority” is a softer startup. If you open a conversation with vulnerability, it increases the chances that your partner responds with vulnerability.
   
3. Try not to anticipate their emotions – just ask.
   We all know the danger of making assumptions, and yet… we just can’t stop! If you’re trying to avoid stressing your partner out by not sharing what upset you, you may think you’re doing your partner a favor. But perhaps they can tell you’re upset, and would rather just know! Or, maybe you think your partner is mad at you for something, but they’re really just distracted by work. It’s always better to ask how your partner is feeling than to do the invisible labor of managing their assumed emotions. This also helps to avoid building up resentment over emotional labor or missed cues. Similarly, don’t assume your partner knows what you’re feeling! YOU should be clearly naming and expressing your feelings to your partner, rather than waiting for them to notice and interpret on their own.

And finally, you can always ask for help. Couples counseling can be an incredible way to gain communication skills, address sensitive topics in a safe space, and have an impartial third person invested in the success of your relationship. Life has endless hurdles to throw at us, but your partner should be someone you can turn towards and weather the storm with. If your relationship is feeling more like a storm than life is, it’s definitely time to speak to a professional and gain some new skills and different relational habits.