You may be asking yourself, “What am I doing here?” You might be cringing and feeling embarrassed.
There may be a voice telling you, “You are weak!” You may feel “out of control.” You might find yourself wondering, “Why am I always angry!” Even worse are when the feelings anger, embarrassment, weakness, shame, or fear pile on top of everything else. You may even feel like a failure because you believe you are unable to handle your life.
You can ask for help
As men, the vast majority of us have learned that seeking or asking for help equates to weakness. You have probably experienced instances throughout life when you wanted to request help. However, the voice that said, “seeking help is embarrassing, scary, unacceptable, or weak,” has stopped you. Within these moments, many men report feeling embarrassed, afraid, ashamed, weak, insecure, or any other variety of negative emotions.
Regardless of your specific reaction, a common theme of “not feeling good” is reported by the men having these moments.
We have a perception that a “real man” should be able to “do it all;” the truth is that this is an awful lie
If we take a closer look at men in the world, we discover a different reality. Many of the men we admire and respect have a high degree of assistance. For example, professional athletes have coaches, trainers, and their teammates. The President of the United States has an entire cabinet of individuals. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, United States Senators, and other highly successful men all attest to having groups of people who assist them in their endeavors.
Even more interesting to note, when considering our fictional male heroes, such as Batman, Rambo, Ironman, Spiderman and many others, a common theme emerges. These characters all have some inner turmoil, suffering, pain and/or past trauma with which they struggle, and we often forget these critical details in our recollections of them.
Men often suffer silently and needlessly
It is also important to highlight that while many men experience depression, anxiety, and battle with inner pains, they often lack the vocabulary to accurately describe these issues. However, men are able to report the symptoms from these issues: weight gain or loss, sleeps troubles, decreased motivation, lack or energy, decreased sex drive, poor concentration, anger outbursts, increased stress and worry, irritable, increased substance use, frustration, and physical pain.
At some point in life, everyone has moments of feeling “stuck, lost, petrified, ashamed, weak, and afraid.” While many times there are no simple answers, the truth is help is here. Allow me to walk with you in your journey and assist with repairing the hurt and pain.
There is help
If this page speaks to you or if these symptoms are present in your life, help is available. You are not alone. You can discontinue this unrealistic belief that you have to suffer in silence.
Dr. Ryan Leiker works with men struggling with a variety of concerns such as stress, employment, relationship problems, sexual identity, intimacy issues, anger, loneliness, failure, and sexual addiction.